you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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