I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
