Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
