I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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