if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
