i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
