There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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