I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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