If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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