i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
