come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
