Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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