i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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