just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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