Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
