wrigley field is MILF paradise
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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