I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
