Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
