he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
