His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
