put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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