i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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