i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
