the condom got lost in my hair
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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