i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize