A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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