dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
