you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
