Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
