Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I want her autograph on my taint
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
