There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
