I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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