We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
