So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
