Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
soo... how was my night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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