how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
