woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
