things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
