Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
