He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
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See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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