things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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