Nicole vs. Life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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