I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
