I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
