I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
