Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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