Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
