just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
