She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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