I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
