if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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