When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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