I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish you could order shots online.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
