I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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