HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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