I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
where are you?
Hypothermia
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My feet surprised me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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