i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
