I wanna passion pit in your ass
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Bring me that man meat
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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