Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
